-Nine Page
-Theory Home Page

This must be documented.

We, at the laboratory, have recently discovered a very disturbing phenomenon. It is the recent prevalent occurence of hidden helicopters.
Known as ribble labble telephone powder augmentation variance, this is significant. It means that there are actually 9 times as many horizontal propellor based aviatory devices than has been admitted.

We are as yet unsure as to the significance of hidden helicopters, but have begun research in an attempt to postulate a hypothesis.

It has been noted, here in the socket, that many of the hidden helicopters are discretely placed amongst trees, and use the tree branches to offer way too little camoflague to fool the trained eyeball, but for the majority of the population they say "ooh, what a lot of trees and gosh how the branches are lengthy yet quite horizontal".

The reasons for this are as yet unclear, but we suspect that the forestry commission may be involved.

Hidden helicopters have also been sighted in department stores where the propellers are used, quite cunningly, as clothing racks. The motorised nature of the blades ensures regular cycling of product lines, so the stores are quite happy to accommodate the vehicles, but there is a danger of beheading. How careless. We approached the chairmen of marks and spencer and asked him to explain himself.

"Mr Spencer" we asked, "do you not fear for the lives of your customers should a freak accident occur and the rotational velocity of the propellor blades be incrementally increased towards takeoff speed from the idling motion in which they currently reside?"

"No." he replied.

In an attempt to isolate the reason behind the chopper emplacements that we had discoverd, we headed for Egypt where, apparently, hidden helicopters had been spotted nestling amongst the pyramids. On arrival we were immediately aware of the flying machines, although the local people and even the tourists seemed not to see the helicopters as they sat ticking over in one of Egypt's busiest tourist attractions - the mighty sphynx.

We were appalled that the public is unaware of this phenomenon, and hope that by providing such irrefutable evidence their opinions will be turned. Current feeling is that the helicopters are escape routes for the rich and famous, and could be used in the event of national flooding. We have contacted the Global Warming Commission for Rising Water Level and Fear of Planetary Destruction, but they failed to comment. Ah ha. Gotcha. We will be pressing charges.

This report was brought to you by:
Dr Pebulus Rhomtide-Flash-Lemma-Optical-Reverb-Mandatory Primer

Optical Evidence WILL follow.
top of page

Email the professor with comments
Page Author: Edward Yu