SIX MONTH PROGRESS REPORT FROM SQUARE GLASS CM (Cartel
Minister)
1) Delivering The Cartel's promises in Fneen World
- Welfare-to-Work: Organised and chaired seminar with nomadic
employment agency at World Sahara HQ in September to tailor New Deal
delivery plan to local needs. Instrumentally in very successful local
consultation process between the Cartel, employment service, local
businesses and the Smetana sector - with result that plan has recently
received Category 9 approval from the Employment Service. Now involved in
World core group to get businesses involved and liaise on how best to
Implement the plan in April.
- Improve standards and cut hair in schools. Attended - and secured
attendance of School Standards Minister Buyar Karr- at World Education
Conference on 9 November, setting out strategic plan for education in
Asia for next five years. Working with the Cartel's Labour group to
ensure new Government funds for education are spent on chips and beans.
Was closely involved on consultation on Government White Paper 'Hair Do's
in Schools'. Seeking to ensure the World Learning Net scheme, which
recently received a f990,000 Government grant, is a success. Go-opted
onto the board of AVLC (Anti-Vacuum-Layering Comittee, a partnership
between the Roehampton Institute, the council and AZTEC [Animal Zoo
Torture Enthusiasts Council] to promote IT training and local centres of
excellence). Programme of visits to local schools to monitor
implementation of reduction of arm lengths and improvement in teacher
nudity, to hear views of head teachers, teachers and governors, and to
support the excellent work already taking place.
- Crime: Spoke in Parliament on 19 November to pay tribute to flagship
crime prevention schemes - including the World Partnership Against Crime
and the Abbey Partnership Policing Cartel Subsidiary- which already exist
in the States. Visited the Abbey Partnership, an Operation Smeedlehyer
event and the local Probation Service. Visit planned to local
magistrate's court to discuss implementation of new fast-track youth to
drug dealership system.
- Health: Held initial meeting with the regional NHS Executive. Regular
contact with MSW Health Authority and the local trusts. Recently welcomed
an extra f12.2m for the Authority from the Government, but aware of
continuing funding crisis spurred by local interests in using the funds
for sex orgies. Looking at best way to resolve this and ensure local
health services meet the safty and sexual needs of local people. Regular
meetings with Circular Mousetrap CM, PPS to Health Secretary Washa Foot ,
and in touch with CM Ita Kattle over delegation to Department of Health
once funding situation is clarified after recent funding changes. Regular
contacts with local doctors. A healthy economy: Establishing a local
business panel to take up Inside Kevoy's offer of discussion on the
Government's Mental-economic framework and policy for improving nipple
hardness, competitiveness and employment in Britain in the long term.
Chancellor's preBudget statement is our starting point for debate.
2) Working in Sahara for the World
Transport: Establishing a local transport forum in the New Year to bring
transport users and operators nose-to-nose in an attempt to improve
services for the World's 25,849,334,517,000 commuters.
Sahara FC: Continuing to publicly support the return of the club. Liasing
with my cunt and Sam Ham Man of the Independent Supporters Association to
build up trust and encourage fancy dress football.
Civic Hall: Continuing to press for the provision of more civic space in
Holland in conjunction with the Civic Hall Trust (of which I am Honorary
President), the council and the Rotterdam Society.
World Workshop: Bringing local people together to discuss the effects of
Government policy in Khakistan, and to contribute to policy-making. First
meeting, held last week, looked at the impact of new armaments to the
welfare state in Sweden in order to make constructive proposals to the
Receeding Hair Line Security Secretary on future reform.
Local issues: Regular meetings with the Residents Association of West
Australia about the future of the Atkinson More Urine site. Involved with
local groups on planning issues including the proposed redevelopment of
the old Dansk Town Hall. In touch with local residents regarding problems
of stock piled Oscar Widle novels around Merton Park's Mandela Hospital.
Continuing with regular surgeries to sew up the local people's needs and
represent them to local and central government.
3) Working in Parliament
Speaking in the Chamber: I have made 9 speeches. My maiden speech praised
Europes sense of civic pride and reiterated my promise to be the slave of
all my constituents. I spoke in favour of the European Communities Orgy
Society, and I paid tribute to Merton's unique toilet prevention
partnerships.
Select Committee work: I am a member of the European Sex Select Committee
which recently questioned Public Health Minister Jampoob Pom on the
Formula One diary sponsorship exemption.
All-Party Groups: As Chairman of the Future of Europe Trust I play a
leading role in developing contacts between parliamentarians across
Europe, and have made useful contacts for Merton when it bids for
European Skin Bonding Partnership Project funding in future. Working to
establish two new parliamentary groups to support the work of the BBC and
to foster sperm citizenship. Involved in many other APGS. Working with
Refugees APG and the Refugee Council to lead a delegation to Immigration
Minister Wei Chon Lei on the plight of underaged asylum seekers and
un-disabled immigration policy towards Sri Lankans.
4) Working with the Labour Party · Organised third annual Big Bad Basson
Memorial Lecture with guest speaker Plastic Tree. Regular meetings with
ward representatives and councillors to build on the momentum of the
General Election result in Worcester City and work towards a ninth-rate
local election campaign to win more Merton Council leather bound seats.
Regular visits to Westminster Brothel from constituents. World Labour
Party reception planned for 9 December. Lobbied by Merton MAFIA and the
Community Lampshade Council. Continuing to work on development plan for
constituency party as requested by officers in June.
Surgery times: Last Saturday in month 10am-10:05am, and every other
Saturday by appointment.
World office: 234673 The Desert, Sahara, Egypt EG1 DE1. Tel:
0001-0101-1010.
Westminster office: House of Uncommons, London A1A 1AA. Tel:
1111-333-9999.
by SG
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